Love

I'm like a 30 year old trapped in a teenagers body. I don't believe in love because i have the fear of someone breaking my heart.
But Today i realized that..you have to let go. you have to live your life because you never no when something is going to be taken away from you. I need to learn to let people in instead of shutting them out.
I look at people in high school and there so happy and alive. After maybe 1 day after dating they already exchange I love yous. I think the word love is misused and shouldn't be thrown out like a pair of random words.

Journal #1

My life explained in 2 words- roller coaster.
Sometimes i just can't handle the drama, the thought of how people judge me.
I break down at times, the words they said to me keep repeating over and over again in my head and i realize how much they actually hurt. They don't even care.
It's so hard to type all of this, when i bottle everything up. I feel like everything is trapped in me and I'm slowly becoming more upset. People don't notice because i always have a smile on my face, cracking jokes, acting as if I'm a brick wall.. I'm a brick wall that slowly crumbling to the ground. I'm short and I'm tired of people looking down on me. I have no talent whats so ever, and my self esteem is the size of a pebble. I've been told " why do you wear makeup, your not that pretty" and i make up lame excuses. I don't judge people, but I'm always judged. I'm smart, people hate it but sorry i am not tying to meet your damn expectations. I'm just tired of immature people that cant grow up. I hate being used. I hate being brought down, your not freakin helping me.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
That's false
i would rather have sticks being thrown at me then people telling me ugly and just making fun.
The words they say is always being repeated in my head.
i thin k about it over and over again.
And every time..just every time i think about it i just cant seem to look at myself. I realize I'm not good for anyone.



Comments?